Tuesday, December 5, 2006

inna heights

people talk to me about their problems all the time. I'm a very good listener, and I'm actually quite good at doling out sage advise in the manner of some wizened old woman with years of experience and insight. it's not completely altruistic, mind you. in fact, there's nothing quite like the natural high one gets from being to help someone.

I just wish I was as good at taking my own advice as I am at giving it.

I always marvel at the fact that I approach other people's crises (whether emotionally or otherwise) with such calmness and perspective, and then break into anxiety attacks when it comes to my own shit. I have yet to master the art of meditation…but I know that's what I need. and so, tomorrow, I will sit and breathe, and elevate, and try hard to relax my damn shoulders—something I learned I have become naturally incapable of doing for more than 30 seconds at a time (props to my new Pilates instructor for pointing that out) and I will try to do so without thinking of anything in particular and without making mental lists and wondering whether I remembered to email someone or freaking out about the fact that I still don't have a supervisor for my thesis, and really does anything I'm writing make sense, and what if I screw the whole thing up and PANIC! where was I? oh, yes, the breathing and relaxing: maybe if I do this, I'll be able to hear myself (or whatever other voices I'm drowning out with my anxiety) telling myself that whatever minor or major crisis arises, it's not the end of the world, and I've dealt with much worse, so there is no need to waste energy panicking.

I really don't spend enough time conversating with myself or with the Higher Power I tend to consult primarily when situations seem dire or desperation strikes. so, maybe, I'm not such a good listener after all. something to work on.

Currently listening : Essential Billie Holiday

By Billie Holiday