one year ago, when we heard of michael jackson's passing, my sister said that since she was a child, she'd always wondered where she'd be when that news came. today, everyone is remembering where they were when they heard. i first heard the news on twitter. michael jackson rushed to the hospital. cardiac arrest. a little while later, news of his death hit and my immediate reaction was complete denial. part of me is still in denial, i think. how can someone whose music is so interwoven into the fabric of so many lives be gone, just like that? i kept waiting for someone to announce that it was, indeed, a hoax. that it was yet another rumour flying out of control. but as the hours passed, and i stayed up all night on twitter...more confirmation poured in. i still could not fathom it. it was too big and too shocking to comprehend, somehow. it's like the child in me was stubbornly refusing to acknowledge what was happening. plugging my ears, and shutting my eyes, and shaking my head vigorously until it all went away. it wasn't until the televised memorial service that it started to sink in. michael jackson was gone. michael jackson, who had always been bigger than life. michael jackson who--even in my adulthood--never lost his magic. he was more than a man, more than an artist. he was a beautiful spirit, whose influence cannot be ignored. his impact is felt every single day, all over the world. he transcended race and nationality. he was music. he was dance. he was style. he was artistry. he was a true entertainer.
he was the best. simply. and he always will be. he is my first memory of truly LOVING music. thriller was the first album i memorized all the lyrics to. 'thriller' is the first video that enchanted me and made me fall in love with dance. that red leather jacket is the first item of clothing i remember obsessing over. he's been gone for a year, and his absence is palpable. it's a void that i'll always feel and that will never be filled. we have lost a master, a legend, a true work of art, a powerful force. and that is something that cannot be denied, despite one's personal opinion of the man. it's just fact.
i still cannot accept the fact that he's gone. i wish i could thank him for all he meant. i pray he felt the love more than he felt the mockery and the fear and the misunderstanding. i hope he knew he was loved. i hope, in the end, his gift was more of a blessing than a burden.
rest in peace and power, michael jackson. i love you as much now as i did when i first laid eyes on the thriller cover and declared that you were my boyfriend for life. there will never be another.
...gone too soon...