a. contestant number 1: guy who works at coffee shop
opening line: hey, you. come here.
me: what!?
him: come here i want to talk to you.
me: *staring in shock cuz the only person that tells me to "come here" in such a manner is my mama. and that's when i'm in trouble. and also when i was three*
him: [eventually comes over since i'm clearly not moving]. what's ur name?
me: [makes something up]
him: can i have ur number, maybe i can come see you?
DUDE! who ARE you? why on earth would i give u my number when that's all you've got? can you try a little harder? apparently not. so i didn't give him my number and he got all pissed off like i had just stood him up for a date. like, really really angry. crazy.
b. contestant number 2: the bartender
opening line: you have a secret admirer over there that wants to know where your from.
me: [looks around and sees no cuties, so sadly says]...rwanda. where is he?
him: i can't tell you
me: [ten minutes later, delayed reaction due to copious amounts of wine, i realize that HE is the secret admirer]
TWO WEEKS LATER
him: what's ur number?
me: [damn, no free drink?] first, what's my name?
him: i dunno. [doesn't even look embarassed]
nice. doesn't even care to know my name. i wonder how he was going to enter my number in the phone..."chick from the other time with the gin and tonic and the ample bosom". sigh. anyway, i got free drinks eventually and he made me laugh. nevertheless.
c. contestant number 3: guy dining in restaurant
this guy was awesome cuz he's hit on me TWICE without knowing it.
opening line: [grabs a seat from the adjacent table and brings it over to our table. both times, we are clearly in conversation and eating and not wanting to talk to anyone]
you know, i'm so sick of sitting with those guys...i just want to have a chance to talk to beautiful, intelligent women, you know? girls that have something to say.
please note: this line was used BOTH TIMES. ha ha haaaaa. wicked.
so the second time when he asks my name, i pretend to be really hurt and say "i can't believe you don't remember? don't u remember ANYTHING from last week?" and he just stares, cuz he totally doesn't remember that he's already been blown off by this particular group of ladies because he's done this routine THAT many times. now he has to come up with original lines so he looks nervous and scared. then starts talking about a book he's reading that he saw on oprah. niiiice. anyway, he got no numbers, DESPITE the sensitive-oprah thing. but i gave him points for being drunk enough to leave his lighter behind, which i promptly stole. the best thing about this guy was that when he didn't luck out with one girl, he'd move right on to the next. then when nothing worked, he began to talk about the difference in our cup sizes. class-ay!
d. contestant number 4--: the rest of them (ranging from business suit fellow to poet at open mic nite to dude shopping for nice shoes [bonus point!])
him: wassup baby/ma/lady/sweetie
me: [looks around] are u talking to me?
him: yeah. maybe i can come see you sometime? what's ur number?
again: WHO ARE YOU??? [please see the analysis of contestant number one]
please note that all the above have taken place all over the city, not just on campus, and these are men of all ages, types and sizes. the one thing they have in common, is no.game. i mean, at least send me a drink or something! or comment on the weather! or...something!
the thing is, i've seen it work on women all over the place, so i guess they don't have to step up their game, since it's working for them. but it saddens me that true gentlemen no longer exist. sigh. i am now listening to maxwell, so that all hope is not lost!
and that ends my commentary for today. and now, back to the ever-exhausting world of human rights. i shall become a recluse and a hermit until exams. but, apparently, i'm not missing much out there, so it's all good!
n*
Currently listening: Now
By: Maxwell
Release date: 21 August, 2001
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